Fabulous Triggers

Trigger- n.

a small projecting tongue in a firearm that, when pressed by the finger, actuates the mechanism that discharges the weapon.

 

a device, as a lever, the pulling or pressing of which releases a detent or spring.

anything, as an act or event, that serves as a stimulus and initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions.

 (Here's the part of the definition that applies to me)

 

There's the definition, and honestly before this blog and my most recent attempt at losing weight I didn't realize this word had anything to do with my weight issues. I finally spent awhile reviewing what makes me eat or makes me not go to the gym and I believe I have a handle on some of it.

 

First- fast food and car rides. It doesn't matter how long or short of a trip I'm going on, I require some sort of food. Starting today, fast food will no longer be the type of food I stop for. I've decided to shun anything with a drive thru. The only places that are remotely quick will be places like McAlister's Deli and Subway- both of which have extremely healthy options. To curb the trigger I will also be keeping gum in my car at all times, along with a bottle of water. Let's see how this works. Should save me calories, and $$$!

 

Next, sweets. Oh that darn sweet tooth of mine. Pumpkin pie, cheesecake, Reese's peanut butter cups,  the list goes on and on. I have several versions of healthy cheesecake but honestly, it takes a year to make it (okay maybe only a few hours but still, who wants to work that hard for some cheesecake?). With Christmas literally this weekend, the sweets will be out and about lurking around every dinner table, and I'm going to do my best to keep my portions in check.  I've decided that I will just bring a container to the meal, and anything that I want to over indulge in I will just put some more in the container and bring it home with me. So instead of eating myself into a food baby state, I'll save some for the next day. A lot of my overeating is the simple fact that I don't know when I'll get some of that delicious food again so I indulge to the extent of nearly getting sick.

 

And the final trigger I've discovered (although I'm sure there's many more to come) is Mexican food. I love, love, love Mexican food. I finally discovered something relatively low in calories at Chipoltle, which makes me oh so happy, but stopping to have some dinner at El Meson across the street is just a no-no unless it's a special occasion. The chips alone before the gigantic burrito that I love so much, can amount to a days worth of calories in just a few minutes. I will be avoiding Mexican places that involve free unlimited chips, instead I will be making my own at home. This way I can control the toppings, the meat, the fats, and the calories. And the best thing, there isn't unlimited chips lurking around my pantry.

 

I have discovered the problem, and created a solution- at least with the ones I know of so far. Next step, is to put the process into place and actually do it. Stopping the eating out and ordering in is a big first step, but one I'm willing to take. It wasn't easy putting on the weight, it took years. It's not going to be easy taking it off either.

 

On a very happy note- It's been two weeks since I fired my trainer and followed this awesome plan a friend developed for the both of us and I'm down 6lbs!!! If I continue this route I will be at my goal weight in 67 weeks.

 

Merry Christmas!!!!

 

 

 

Love,

Fabulous and Fat

 

The 4 Fabulous F's

Fabulous and Fat- Fast Foods of America:


Today during my lunch I was browsing the Internet and stumbled up on this. At first I saw it and went "ooooooohhhhh Pizza, yummmyyy!" then I took a reality check and went WHAT?! 5,000 calories!!! That's almost 4 days worth of food for me! Holy fatness Batman! I stopped drooling over the photos and began reading on about the "Over-the-Top Fast Foods". I got one paragraph in and then clicked on the first link which took me to heaven bad food land over here. Are Americans really eating all of this junk?!

First up is a Cheesy bread filled with...Cheese! I love me some cheese, but really? An appetizer with almost as much cheese as a medium pizza? Who's idea was this?

Next up, we have the chicken bowl thanksgiving bowl, as one of my classmates would describe it. But this time...it's with bacon. Why? Why the heck does everything taste better with bacon? I honestly always take the bacon off and eat it separately when I get something with bacon (which I never EVER do anymore).

Then came some high class coffee... and well I'm a coffee guru so only thing I can say is...yum! Just fill the cup with something low in sugar and fats and it won't be that bad, right?

Next came a couple of more bacon topped, stuffed items- none of which I've ever tried but the next picture. Oh, the next picture....

Pizza!

My nightmare and my biggest trigger food is pizza. I actually just learned about this gigantoid box of goodies a few days ago. $20- 2 medium pizzas, 8 wings, 5 bread sticks and 5,000 calories! In the past few weeks if I eat pizza two things happen: 1) I feel incredibly guilty and 2) I feel horrible physically for two days. I'm slightly happy that my body has decided to push away pizza. It did that with Chinese a few months ago, I just can't eat my traditional grease filled sweet and sour chicken. I now opt for the chicken and broccoli if I have chinese at all.

The list continues on along side of the amazement of what corporate America is feeding us. I recently have been evaluating the portion sizes I've been eating vs. the portion sizes recommended. And wowzers- those are some insane differences. Even with my lunch today which was a "half portion" of a spud at McAlister's Deli I was amazed at the huge portion sizes. We often perceive Deli's as a way to find lots of healthy options (not everything there is healthy but there's a lot) but with a "Half" spud the size of a large potato which is about 2-3 portion sizes of a normal potato- well that's just a little insane. I ate the chicken and toppings off of the spud and handed the rest over to a co-worker.

Tomorrow is a family Christmas in Ohio and portion control is going to be my challenge. I'm going to enjoy time with family, and some delicious food. I'm also going to attempt to be a successful role model for my daughter. She is my biggest influence and fan! She told me the other day "Mommy, I don't want you to order us pizza anymore and I want you to keep working out so we can play more". My heart was warmed with love and motivation. I know that for my daughter to want to give up her favorite food, the food we've had at her birthday party every year except the first year, that she really wants me to get healthy. I love that little mini me. She's my gorgeous reminder of what I have to live for.

And even though she may never get to read this- Thank you baby girl. Thank you for reminding Mommy that she can do this :)

Love,
Fabulous and Fat

God is Fabulous, right?

I started a documentary last night called "Ruby". It's the journey of a 44 year old woman who used to weigh 700lbs. She is now under 500lbs and was mobile enough to begin losing the rest of the weight. This documentary shows her team that she assembled made up of a trainer, obesity specialist, family Doctor, nutritionist, and psychiatrist. This morning before work I was watching the end of the first season (thank you netflix!) and she added one more person to her team of experts: God. "...For with God all things are possible" - Matthew 19:26

There is a little tidbit before that very final part in the paragraph above, but you know which verse I'm speaking of. The class I took before this most recent one was a Biblical Philosophy course, and it scared the living- let's put this in Ruby's words- helicopter out of me. I grew up in a church, I even got to write about how my Grandpa and Grandma always took my brother and I to church and I would look up at this gorgeous painted glass picture with lighting behind it. It was a photo of Jesus with a few little children climbing all over him. I remember sitting in the front pew of the church starring at this every Sunday pretending to Listen to Pastor Bynum. Perhaps I should of stopped looking at the picture, and paid more attention because going into this course I felt like I knew nothing. Not to mention the large amount of questions over the past few years that I wanted to get answers too. Like why am I living without two of the most important men in my life right now? Why does cancer not have a cure yet? Why is it so hard for me to make life changes for the better but so easy to fall back into addictions like food and cigarettes? I think of all the questions I don't have answers too, but I often forget to praise Him for the little things.

Like those times I was starring at the picture in church, I wasn't alone I have my lifelong best friend Jesse there with me to giggle. I have a wonderful daughter who put a stop to my drinking and smoking, my life saving angel. I have a boyfriend who seems to be a little overbearing to some, but in reality he's just that much of a protector and teacher. I have such a struggle making healthy life changes because God wants me to cherish them when I finally do make the change- instead of just brushing it aside as another easy way out success like I have done in the past.

So many of my friends from all over often have only positive status's and I begin to wonder is it because they're so close to Him? Did I miss something here? Are they so happy go lucky it makes you want to puke, because of God? Because they accept Him in their life, in their marriage, in everything they do? I'm jealous, I'm completely and utterly jealous.

A beautiful woman in my class that I've known since I joined them in march (well okay I'm guessing there but I think since then) gave me a booklet during our bible class when she gave her testimony about how she came to accept God. She said a man came to her door and wanted to talk to her about Jesus and the bible and she was in a worse of state then I can ever remember myself being in at the time, and at the end of his talk with her he prayed with her and she accepted God that night. She's one of the bubbliest people in the entire world, I'm sure of it! But is this because of God? I still have so many questions unanswered, but I guess that's the definition of faith.

A lot of things have come together lately for me. Things are starting to make sense. I remember my Grandfather once telling me that he was 55 years old when he was baptised and accepted God into his life and for me not to wait that long. He wished he had known God sooner. The only thing I've been able to say to myself lately is : I keep trying Grandpa, I really do. I still don't know how to accept Him, but I'm working on that. And really that's all I can ask of myself right now. I'm trying.


Love,
Fabulous and Fat

Fabulous Friends

This weekend was, well a wash in the book of health. Nothing about it was remotely healthy. Birthday party for my nephew on Saturday = delicious pulled pork sandwiches, shredded chicken, potato salad, diet mt. dew, and of course cake and ice cream! I was there for 3 hours plus 5 hours of total drive time and a few pit stops in between followed by some more BBQ at Squealers and the Muppet's movie; absolutely nothing healthy about this day. I followed this very non-successful day up with another one unfortunately. Office Christmas Party at Dave and Busters (Yummy food loaded with hundreds of calories) plus some yummy's at a jewelry party prior to that. But hidden beneath all of this disaster of a menu was something successful: a relaxing day with friends who care.

I can only assume that one of my friends noticed the lack of me "Checking-in" at my gym and became concerned. She messaged me today while I was with my other lovely lady and asked how things at the gym were going. When I confessed that my trainer was a failure, and that I was on the hunt for something new she stepped right up! What a girl!!! She not only offered to help me, she created a google spreadsheet for it within minutes of our conversation that mapped out the next week of workouts and a place to log food. It's a shared document in which we can track each other. Wow, why didn't we think of this sooner?! It amazes me that I went from feeling like I had zero support in my weight loss adventures to having so many people step up and say "I'm here for you". It brings such a bright smile to my face.


With that said, tomorrow is a new day and a new battle against this gigantic war. I feel like I keep starting over here lately, but I guess that's better then just giving up. I'm excited for tomorrow, I'm excited to eat healthy, spend time with my daughter, wrap gifts, then head to the gym.



To the ladies that are supporting me, and you know who you are: Thank you. Thank you for all that you do, checking in on me, and not letting me give up. You're my miracles, the ones I've prayed for.

And for some reason I have NO photos of the other lady that's keeping me going, so please head on over to her blog, Here


And the song I'm going to sleep with in my head, which I find both fun and annoying at the same time : "Tomorrow"

Love,
Fabulous and Fat

Fabulously Colorful

"The colors Duke the Colors!" Anyone want to take a stab at naming that commercial?! Every time someone says "color" that automatically pops into my head. But tonight, some pretty colors have a whole new meaning. A few days ago I decided that I need some small goals for this gigantic one in front of me. I need some rewards for that as well, I mean c'mon whats a race without a trophy at the end, right? So I was going to make a chart of things I like and put a weight loss goal on each one, but what fun is that? I could so easily skew everything to be just how I wanted it and I knew what was coming and well I can buy what I want when I want anyways- that's part of being an adult. So, I got a little more creative and asked my best friend to help me out with these so called "trophies" and being the creative genius that she is (no, really she is. She's a wedding/event planner and is AWESOME) she asked me how much weight I needed to lose and how many "trophies" I wanted. So, ready for some REALLY embarrassing revealing information?! I know I am....drum roll please..... Here it is folks, this is my ultimate goal:

Wow, I cannot believe I just did that. But that's actually not it, the final goal is 180. And there is no prize for that one because, well, if when I reach this goal it will be the ultimate trophy- My first time ever being at a normal BMI for my height and age. So here are my pretties:

I have no idea what is inside them, and it's taking all I have to keep it that way. Each time I drop 10lbs I will open my envelope and redeem my prize. It's like Chuck E. Cheese except for fat people! Lose weight, win prizes.... I really think I'm on to something here (quick patent that!) With my mini-goals in mind I also came up with an end date for my ultimate goal: July 2013. My graduation date was pushed back from December to July because someone decided to take some more electives in my specialty. So I have 582 days left to do it in.

My daily positive note: Is that I smiled even though I wanted to become upset and for once in my life it worked! My day turned around :)


Love always,
Fabulous and Fat

Fabulous at the holidays

Tonight I've invited my mother in law over (future mother law at some point, and boyfriend if you're reading this my ring size is a size 8.5 :) ) for some hot cocoa, warm chocolate chip cookies, holiday music, and some tree decorating. I'm excited that we're going to be putting up our tree, finally, but I am worried about the start of many more holiday festivities to come. I have something planned every Sunday this month as a holiday party of some sort, plus a birthday party for my God son and nephew this coming weekend. What do I eat? How does someone addicted to sweets, stop eating them?

I'm currently watching a series of documentaries called "Heavy" from A&E. I'm sure some of you have seen this show or at least heard of it. The whole story is two people start off in horrible morbid obesity state. These two people are sent to basically a glorified fat camp for 30 days. Then they are sent home typically with a weight loss of over 20lbs for the girls and about 50lbs for the boys. They get personal trainers and 5 more months of attempt at weight loss. If they begin to gain they are taken back to the lovely isolated fat camp and get a bit of a fire lite back under them. So, they're successful! Great, fabulous even... but un-realistic. No one pays for my trainer, no one says "Oops you gained a pound time to go back to fun land with no temptations and a gym everywhere you look"... this is completely un-realistic and ridiculous to think this is how I can lose weight. But I can relate.

A gentleman in the second episode went back to the camp because he has a fear of eating. He basically went from one extreme to the other; overeat as much as possible until throwing up vs. afraid to eat at all. I can at least relate to him. There are several statistics that say an average person gains 5lbs during the holiday season. This automatically sends a red flag in my mind saying "No cookies, no sweets, no stuffing, just carrots, turkey, and salad". How do I celebrate the holidays without good food? I have lots of questions, but so far only one answer- smaller portions and no second or third deserts. The problem is I can't just stop at one portion. If I even get the taste, just even a little bit, I want the whole pie pan full. Is it better just to let go of the sweets and re-teach myself how to eat them or just indulge? I do not want to indulge I've spent way too much time going from this:

To this:

Grant it, I have gained some back since the above photo but I am no where near the weight I was when I first started the want/need to lose weight and get healthy. I'm 3 years in and still battling, so whats next? Transformation kitchen on a budget. My daughter, my boyfriend, and myself all need to eat healthier. He has control over his portions, baby girl hasn't the slightest clue what a portion is and just knows that chicken nuggets and pizza are always the safe bet, and mom- well I know that I will over-eat solely off the fact that it "sounded" good. So Friday is my shopping day, and will be my day for picking up sweets to make for parties that are to come... my challenge to myself: make it healthy or make it so you won't eat it at all. I hope there are lots of fruits and veggies ready and waiting at the dinner tables for the holidays!

And again, to end on a positive note: I once again battled with myself over going to the gym to meet Anthony this morning. Proudly I say that I went, and my legs are killing me which only brings a gigantic smile to my face :)

Love always,
Fabulous and Fat

Fabulously Failing....

Last night as I laid my little girl down to sleep and looked up at the clock I dreaded the fact that I had a 9:30pm appointment with my trainer. I knew he would be waiting for me promptly at 9:30 at the gym, waiting to torture my muscles and push me into success. I did not want to go, I did not even want to walk outside in this cold wintry month, but I did want to uphold at least one goal I set forth this year- Work out more. So I humbly put my tennis shoes on, added some warm clothes for the short walk to and from my car, and headed north to the gym.

6 weeks ago I hired my personal trainer with a goal to lose 30lbs by Christmas. That goal is 3 weeks away and the pounds are still here. I worked out 5 days a week for 4 of those weeks, then the last two (over thanksgiving and the week after) I completely failed and only went once a week. With all of those added calories, you would think I would of made an effort to get to the gym more then before but it just was not in me to go. I was too busy, missing my family, or just too tired. I have every excuse in the book and honestly I'm still trying to overcome those excuses. That isn't going to stop me though. So what if I fell off the weight loss train, the good thing about losing weight... is that the train never stops running. You can always get right back on it.

4 weeks of hard work, followed by 2 weeks of no work is a recipe for failure and recession in my workouts. I felt it last night, the mere 15 minutes I spent on the elliptical was rough. My muscles were not having the tricep pulls at my normal weight. Not to mention the fact that I indulged in our Monday night ritual of stopping for dinner at Dairy Queen after my daughters gymnastics. Ice cream before work out = epic fail.

All of the negativity I was feeling before I went, and even during my workout was surprisingly followed by a spout of positivity. I really do not NEED a trainer, I've been an athlete for years and know exactly how to work out. I need someone to hold me accountable, or I won't show up. I decided forking over the cash for a personal trainer is not worth it anymore. It isn't about having a trainer, it's about holding myself accountable not only to the gym but with my eating as well. I have NO accountability whatsoever, and no one to hold me to that. That's the problem, I expect someone to hold me accountable and, well, its time to grow up. I have 12 more sessions with my trainer- which will be about 4 weeks worth. Over the next four weeks I'm going to focus on transforming my eating and my body. My first step- portion control.

And to take such a big step, I need to realize how much I really am eating and I'm going to expose myself to the world and share exactly what I ordered for dinner tonight.

Taco Bell/KFC Fast Food-

KFC Combo- Doublicious Chicken Sandwich combo with one original recipe chicken breast, two pieces of bacon, one slice of Swiss cheese, and I'm guessing about 1/4 cup of melted cheddar on top of a bun.
-One small side of potato wedges
- One cheese roll up
-One beefy 5 layer Burrito
-two soft tacos
-20oz Pepsi max

Totaling in 1940 calories. Yes that is one meal, which is 240 calories over my daily goal intake. This is a problem, this is a HUGE problem to anyone trying to lose weight. It's one meal, that is one meal!!!!! As I was ordering I was not even thinking about a healthy option. I wasn't thinking about something to hold me over til I can get home and make something healthy. I was thinking "What sounds/looks good?" And that ALL sounded good. I was starving before I went. I didn't eat anything before that except a pumpkin spice bagel with light cream cheese at 8am. Grant it- I haven't ate this bad in a long time but it's a gigantic sign that I am on the verge of falling back into my old ways.

All I could do was shake my head. This is a problem, a HUGE problem. Why am I wasting hundreds of dollars in a trainer only to ruin it with my eating hours after I burn it off? Is this what the biggest losers were doing? Maybe I really should go get help, maybe I should just get the surgery that forces me to stop eating or I will get sick. It's scary, a very long, and lonely scary path- but I'm working on changing the outlook and changing the way I eat. Strict goals, scales, and loads of veggies and fruits if  I feel like eating a lot of food. For those of you that read this and see me on a daily basis, encouragement is always welcomed, negativity or jokes are not. :)

And to end on a more positive note, here's a photo of one of my greatest successes.

Love always,
Fabulous and Fat